the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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