he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
as a side note pls kill me
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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