i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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