I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
