does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
