Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
