what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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