i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
