So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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