I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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