I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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