Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I think your dad took our porno
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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