I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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