So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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