Quick, to the slutcave!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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