I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
