I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
