Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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