Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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