i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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