I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
