Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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