dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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