At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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