I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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