smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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