I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
