It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
