mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
