He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
