I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I deserve this hangover.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
