Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
