The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
