so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
