pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
