I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
When did angry sex become our thing?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
