Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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