If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
