It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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