i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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