I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
