Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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