I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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