Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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