my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
