we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Randomize
