I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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