It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
