So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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