I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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